"The Narrow Road": Blogs By Shane Kastler

For Crying Out Loud... Just SPANK 'Em!

This past week, Fox News reported a story about a mother who made her son wear a sign saying “I’m a thief and a liar” out in public.  Apparently the 12-year old boy had stolen a cell phone from his aunt and then lied about it.  The mom only asked the boy to apologize which he refused to do.  She didn’t know what else to do…so she resorted to the sign.  He wore the sign for two hours, but still refused to apologize.  As it turns out the kid has been incorrigible for some time, and has not responded to discipline.  While millions of factors play into the causes of his behavior, one thing that must be addressed is the defiance…which starts young.  And the best way to deal with such defiance is by a good, swift swat on the bottom.  Let me elaborate.
    I find it interesting how far some parents will go to avoid doing what the Bible says to do regarding unruly children.  And I find it appalling how brain-dead the so called child raising experts are on this matter.  Oftentimes, even the Christian ones will jump through hoops to avoid Biblical, God-ordained discipline. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; But the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15 (NASB)
    I’ll give two examples.  James Dobson and Kevin Lehman.  Both of these Christian experts have given some very reliable and sound advice over the years.  Dobson’s book on Bringing Up Boys is a must read for anyone who has a son.  It’s a shrewd analysis of the current war on boys in our culture, as well as a great encouragement to raise your boys to be men….instead of geldings.
    Kevin Lehman is well known for his “reality discipline” in which you let kids make choices, but you force them to live with those choices.  For example, if Johnny doesn’t want to eat his dinner, he doesn’t have to eat his dinner, but he won’t be allowed to eat anything else until the next meal.  If Johnny’s sister Susie ate her dinner then she might get a bedtime snack.  But Johnny won’t.  He chose to skip dinner and he will have to live with the reality of his choice.  I see some elements of this mindset which can be beneficial as well.  Part of the growing up process means you learn to live with your choices.  And kids need to learn that sooner rather than later.  But Dobson and Lehman both go astray in the area of spanking.
    While both of these men advocate spanking, they say to do it as a “last resort.”  This is foolish and wrong; and I found that out the hard way.  When my son entered his terrible twos, I thought a demon had overtaken him.  He would throw fits and scream and say rude things, etc., etc.  Of course the “experts” tell you this is normal behavior for a two year old, and they’re right.  Normal? Yes.  But should it be acceptable? No.  That’s the part they leave out.
    I took the “spank as a last resort” approach to my family’s peril.  After struggling with endless (and worthless) “time-outs”, lectures, and groundings.  I discovered that a parent’s policy should be the same as George Bush’s.  “We will not negotiate with terrorists.”  Thankfully, I came across a book by Tedd Tripp (yes, that’s how he spells Tedd) called Shepherding a Child’s Heart.  In it, Dr. Tripp uses Scripture, not Psychobabble to guide the parent through the sometimes painful process of child rearing (pun intended).  If your two-year old is defiant, then spanking is not a “last resort” it should he a frontline defense.  Tripp asserts that Scripture’s two main methods for disciplining a child is Communication and the Rod.  And if you embrace one and forget the other, you’re destined for problems.
    Communication is paramount.  Little Johnny must know what he did.  And he must know why it’s wrong.  And he must know how to avoid doing it again.  But reason alone won’t work with a child.  I discovered clearly that children don’t simply learn with words…they must also feel certain consequences for the truth to sink in.
    The Rod is also paramount.  But it must be administered the right way.  If you spank in anger without communicating in love then you’re not teaching the child the full story of redemption.  The Rod without communication will create anger, frustration, and future rebellion.  But Communication without the Rod will not adequately make the point.  And regardless of how great you think your parenting skills of persuasion are…..GOD SAYS to use both tools.  And if you’re too “loving” to use the rod, you might be surprised to the learn that the Bible says you’re behavior isn’t loving at all.  In fact by withholding the rod, you’re hating your child.  “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” (Proverbs 13:24 NASB)
    In his book, Dr. Tripp gave me permission to do, what I KNEW needed to be done, regardless of what the “experts” say.  Andrew needed a spanking.  Andrew needed instruction.  Andrew needed a hug and affirmation that his dad loved him.  Andrew needed to know that his behavior was not only disrespectful to his parents but it was a sin against God.  And Andrew need to know that further defiance would result in the same process.  And ten minutes later, when he once again behaved defiantly, he got another spanking, and another hug.
    The funny thing is that most parents won’t spank.  And if they do, they’ll stop at one.  When sometimes more are needed.  Rome wasn’t built in a day…and children aren’t trained in a day either.  I determined that I would spank Andrew fifty times that week if necessary.  But what I found was that fifty times wasn’t necessary.  It only took a few times of dogged, consistent discipline for him to realize the destruction of his ways and to change.  And then I found thereafter that the spankings weren’t needed as often as they once had been.  He began the process of learning and growing…only because of the reality of discipline and the Rod in his life.
    Don’t think you are doing your kids any favors by withholding the loving administration of the Rod.  Sadly, if you refuse to discipline them today, the criminal justice system will tomorrow.  Often times today, excuses are made for wayward children.  Parents are blamed for not patting Johnny enough on the head….when in reality the parents should be blamed for not swatting Johnny enough on the hind-end.  The fact is that kids need both encouragement and discipline.  They need to be taught justice and grace.  They need Communication and The Rod.  So listen to your so-called “experts” if you wish.  I’ll listen to God.  He knows plenty about raising children.  In fact, he INVENTED children.   
    Dobson wrote another book that has a very accurate title:  “Parenting Isn’t For Cowards.”  This is so true because sometimes parents have to do things they would rather not do, for the sake of their children.  And many factors must be considered when looking at the issue of corporal punishment.  Some kids are too young for it…some kids are too old for it.  Some kids need it often….some kids need it seldom.  Some kids are stronger willed than others and will always push you to the limit.  Other kids are more naturally compliant and respond well to the mere threat of the Rod.  But the Rod must be present for there to be true peace and love in the home.
    Andrew is seven now, and he is growing into a really good kid.  He’s not perfect and still requires discipline.  But when that time comes we deal with it and we move on with our lives.  I don’t hold his mistakes over his head for a week or two by grounding him.  I don’t publicly humiliate him with a sign around his neck.  And I don’t put him in a “time-out” and drag out a worthless process.  (Although I do think time-outs are effective sometimes, when a kid needs to be removed from a heated situation.)  And I certainly don’t spend all day bickering with him and haggling over what his punishment will be.  When I see parents doing this…I always want to say the same thing:  “FOR CRYING OUT LOUD….JUST GIVE HIM A SPANKING!”….AND if he is repentant then give him a hug and tell him you love him.  If he’s still defiant, then give him another spanking.  Eventually, he’ll get tired of it and come around.  In the long run it’s easier on the kid and the parent AND its more effective to just spank them like God says to do, as opposed to dreaming up a million different “creative” punishments that only draw out the problem and ignore the real matter.
    So ignore the experts and do what God says instead.  If you’ll consistently and lovingly show your children communication and the rod…then you’ll probably find that you won’t need to use the latter so much in the future…IF you’re consistent.  Andrew responds well to the Rod.  His sister Savannah seems to respond well to Andrew getting the rod also and usually needs only the threat of the rod.  But I’ve got another one who is now coming of age.  Karissa will be two this week….and you know what??? I think she seems to be more like her brother than her sister.  But we’ll do what we can to bring her around -- because I know what to expect this time...and I'll listen to God from the start, rather than the "experts."
    Love your children.  Teach your children.  Communicate with them and hug them and tell them about Jesus.  And when they are defiant…as ALL sinners will be at times….spank them.  Don’t argue with them all day…just SPANK THEM!  Don’t negotiate with terrorists….just SPANK THEM!  Then hug them and teach them how to avoid spankings in the future.  Whether you want to admit it or not, your children are “fools” by nature.  And whether you want to admit it or not, they are “fools” because they take after their parents (“for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23).  And whether you want to admit it or not….God’s Word is true when it tells us:  “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; But the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15 (NASB)
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(P.S.-- I would strongly encourage all parents to read “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Tedd Tripp.  Click here for details.)

BOOK REVIEW – “The Real Lincoln: A New Look at Abraham Lincoln, His Agenda, and an Unnecessary War” By Thomas Dilorenzo.

At the height of his influence, many deemed him to be one of the worst tyrants the world had ever seen.  He incarcerated 15,000 of his fellow citizens because they disagreed with his war policy.  He had his army shut down newspapers and destroy the presses for any papers that wrote against him.  He declared martial law and arrested political opponents without a warrant or trial and kept them locked up for years.  His Secretary of State bragged that he could have any citizen jailed “at the snap of a finger.”  He had one Congressman who disagreed with him deported to another country.  Then oversaw a war that led to 620,000 deaths…all within his own country.  When half of the country sought to escape, they were forced to remain in the Nation…..or be slaughtered in mass for seeking liberty.  In essence they were forced to remain citizens at the point of a bayonet.  He ordered cities to be burned.  Farms to be destroyed.  Civilians, including women and children, to be bombed and executed.  He was one of the most hated men in history…..and one of the most beloved.  His name?  Abraham Lincoln.

            If the above paragraph shocked you, then you might consider reading a book entitled The Real Lincoln: A New Look at Abraham Lincoln, His Agenda, and an Unnecessary War, By Thomas Dilorenzo.

            While Lincoln is perhaps not as evil as this book presents, one can’t escape the reality that Lincoln took some very harsh and unnecessary measures during the American Civil War.  Ironically, the majority of Americans in both the North and South were in favor of a peaceful secession in 1860.  The North wanted separated from the South just as bad as the South did from the North.  Yet Lincoln would hear nothing of it.  Dilorenzo makes a rather compelling case for the economic motivations behind the war, given the fact that the South was paying roughly 80% of the Nation’s expenses through tariffs, while the North was reaping the majority of the benefits in terms of bridge and railroad construction.

            Furthermore, in Lincoln’s first inaugural address, he stated clearly that he had no interest in freeing the slaves in the South and had no constitutional right to do so.  When he reversed course and issued the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863, he confided to his cabinet that it was simply a “war measure” meant to spark a slave insurrection in the South.  Though most people don’t realize it, the Emancipation Proclamation only granted freedom to slaves in the South.  Slaves in the North were not granted freedom because their Masters had been loyal to the Union.  William Seward, Lincoln’s Secretary of State bemoaned at the time that the act was worthless having “freed slaves that we no longer have jurisdiction over…while keeping in bondage those slaves that we do.”  Delaware, Maryland, Kentucky, and even parts of Louisiana were under Federal control by 1863, and were thus allowed to keep their slaves.  That seems to be one of those quirks of history that has been forgotten.  Or as Dilorenzo contends….glossed over by the victors.

            Dilorenzo, who is an Economics Professor at Loyola College (Maryland), writes in a very readable style as he makes his case that slavery should have been abolished by compensated emancipation as done in Britain, Brazil, and many other countries during the 1800s.  The forward to the book was written by Dr. Walter Williams, Economics Professor at George Mason University, and frequent fill in host for Rush Limbaugh (and incidentally, an African-American).  Furthermore, he contends that the South should have been allowed to secede peacefully….as our colonial fathers did when faced with an overbearing British taxation system.  Had this happened, Dilorenzo contends that the North would have been forced to change their overbearing tax structure, and eventually North and South would have reunited with a much more solid and efficient government.  But what in fact did happen was the centralization of federal government power to the extent that the Constitution was repeatedly ignored leading to the Federal albatross that exists today.

            The argument between a massive Federal government vs. individual state sovereignty goes back to our founders.  Thomas Jefferson was famous for saying that the government that “governs best is the one that governs least.”  In other words, the Federal government’s job is to protect the citizens and insure they’re given the freedom to purse life, liberty, and happiness.  Jefferson’s primary opponent was Alexander Hamilton, who sought to have a strong Federal government that dictated things to the individual states and the citizens thereof.  Jefferson’s followers fought against this (rightfully so), given the fact that they had just escaped tyrannical government control from Britain during the American Revolution.

            As the course of our Nation progressed, the Hamiltonians, led by Lincoln, eventually gained control and vastly expanded the Federal government during the Civil War.  By 1865 and the end of the Civil War, states right’s had virtually ceased to exist, and the Federal government, which was CREATED BY the states, had become the ruling King of American government.  Ironically, the states had created a monster and now that monster would rule over them for the next 143 years (and counting).

            The great irony in all of this is that the two predominant political parties have swapped sides in the area of government control.  Today, it is the Democrat party that seeks higher taxes and more Federal control over the lives of its citizens.  While the Republicans seek a smaller government with more individual liberty.

            In conclusion, I would heartily recommend the reading of this book.  Its insights into our Nation’s history are illuminating to say the least.  You may not agree with every position taken, but the book does promise to make you think long and hard about governmental and constitutional issues.  And it gives a pretty clear road map for the bureaucratic mess that we find our federal government mired in today.  History kind of has a way, sometimes, of making people seem better (or worse) than they really were.  I suspect this is true of Lincoln as well.  While he had some admirable qualities, he was certainly not above political posturing or deceit, as is documented in this work.  So check out a copy of The Real Lincoln…and prepare to be challenged.