"The Narrow Road": Blogs By Shane Kastler:

This past week, Fox News reported a story about a mother who made her son wear a sign saying “I’m a thief and a liar” out in public. Apparently the 12-year old boy had stolen a cell phone from his aunt and then lied about it. The mom only asked the boy to apologize which he refused to do. She didn’t know what else to do…so she resorted to the sign. He wore the sign for two hours, but still refused to apologize. As it turns out the kid has been incorrigible for some time, and has not responded to discipline. While millions of factors play into the causes of his behavior, one thing that must be addressed is the defiance…which starts young. And the best way to deal with such defiance is by a good, swift swat on the bottom. Let me elaborate.
    I find it interesting how far some parents will go to avoid doing what the Bible says to do regarding unruly children. And I find it appalling how brain-dead the so called child raising experts are on this matter. Oftentimes, even the Christian ones will jump through hoops to avoid Biblical, God-ordained discipline. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; But the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15 (NASB)
    I’ll give two examples. James Dobson and Kevin Lehman. Both of these Christian experts have given some very reliable and sound advice over the years. Dobson’s book on Bringing Up Boys is a must read for anyone who has a son. It’s a shrewd analysis of the current war on boys in our culture, as well as a great encouragement to raise your boys to be men….instead of geldings.
    Kevin Lehman is well known for his “reality discipline” in which you let kids make choices, but you force them to live with those choices. For example, if Johnny doesn’t want to eat his dinner, he doesn’t have to eat his dinner, but he won’t be allowed to eat anything else until the next meal. If Johnny’s sister Susie ate her dinner then she might get a bedtime snack. But Johnny won’t. He chose to skip dinner and he will have to live with the reality of his choice. I see some elements of this mindset which can be beneficial as well. Part of the growing up process means you learn to live with your choices. And kids need to learn that sooner rather than later. But Dobson and Lehman both go astray in the area of spanking.
    While both of these men advocate spanking, they say to do it as a “last resort.” This is foolish and wrong; and I found that out the hard way. When my son entered his terrible twos, I thought a demon had overtaken him. He would throw fits and scream and say rude things, etc., etc. Of course the “experts” tell you this is normal behavior for a two year old, and they’re right. Normal? Yes. But should it be acceptable? No. That’s the part they leave out.
    I took the “spank as a last resort” approach to my family’s peril. After struggling with endless (and worthless) “time-outs”, lectures, and groundings. I discovered that a parent’s policy should be the same as George Bush’s. “We will not negotiate with terrorists.” Thankfully, I came across a book by Tedd Tripp (yes, that’s how he spells Tedd) called Shepherding a Child’s Heart. In it, Dr. Tripp uses Scripture, not Psychobabble to guide the parent through the sometimes painful process of child rearing (pun intended). If your two-year old is defiant, then spanking is not a “last resort” it should he a frontline defense. Tripp asserts that Scripture’s two main methods for disciplining a child is Communication and the Rod. And if you embrace one and forget the other, you’re destined for problems.
    Communication is paramount. Little Johnny must know what he did. And he must know why it’s wrong. And he must know how to avoid doing it again. But reason alone won’t work with a child. I discovered clearly that children don’t simply learn with words…they must also feel certain consequences for the truth to sink in.
    The Rod is also paramount. But it must be administered the right way. If you spank in anger without communicating in love then you’re not teaching the child the full story of redemption. The Rod without communication will create anger, frustration, and future rebellion. But Communication without the Rod will not adequately make the point. And regardless of how great you think your parenting skills of persuasion are…..GOD SAYS to use both tools. And if you’re too “loving” to use the rod, you might be surprised to the learn that the Bible says you’re behavior isn’t loving at all. In fact by withholding the rod, you’re hating your child. “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” (Proverbs 13:24 NASB)
    In his book, Dr. Tripp gave me permission to do, what I KNEW needed to be done, regardless of what the “experts” say. Andrew needed a spanking. Andrew needed instruction. Andrew needed a hug and affirmation that his dad loved him. Andrew needed to know that his behavior was not only disrespectful to his parents but it was a sin against God. And Andrew need to know that further defiance would result in the same process. And ten minutes later, when he once again behaved defiantly, he got another spanking, and another hug.
    The funny thing is that most parents won’t spank. And if they do, they’ll stop at one. When sometimes more are needed. Rome wasn’t built in a day…and children aren’t trained in a day either. I determined that I would spank Andrew fifty times that week if necessary. But what I found was that fifty times wasn’t necessary. It only took a few times of dogged, consistent discipline for him to realize the destruction of his ways and to change. And then I found thereafter that the spankings weren’t needed as often as they once had been. He began the process of learning and growing…only because of the reality of discipline and the Rod in his life.
    Don’t think you are doing your kids any favors by withholding the loving administration of the Rod. Sadly, if you refuse to discipline them today, the criminal justice system will tomorrow. Often times today, excuses are made for wayward children. Parents are blamed for not patting Johnny enough on the head….when in reality the parents should be blamed for not swatting Johnny enough on the hind-end. The fact is that kids need both encouragement and discipline. They need to be taught justice and grace. They need Communication and The Rod. So listen to your so-called “experts” if you wish. I’ll listen to God. He knows plenty about raising children. In fact, he INVENTED children.
    Dobson wrote another book that has a very accurate title: “Parenting Isn’t For Cowards.” This is so true because sometimes parents have to do things they would rather not do, for the sake of their children. And many factors must be considered when looking at the issue of corporal punishment. Some kids are too young for it…some kids are too old for it. Some kids need it often….some kids need it seldom. Some kids are stronger willed than others and will always push you to the limit. Other kids are more naturally compliant and respond well to the mere threat of the Rod. But the Rod must be present for there to be true peace and love in the home.
    Andrew is seven now, and he is growing into a really good kid. He’s not perfect and still requires discipline. But when that time comes we deal with it and we move on with our lives. I don’t hold his mistakes over his head for a week or two by grounding him. I don’t publicly humiliate him with a sign around his neck. And I don’t put him in a “time-out” and drag out a worthless process. (Although I do think time-outs are effective sometimes, when a kid needs to be removed from a heated situation.) And I certainly don’t spend all day bickering with him and haggling over what his punishment will be. When I see parents doing this…I always want to say the same thing: “FOR CRYING OUT LOUD….JUST GIVE HIM A SPANKING!”….AND if he is repentant then give him a hug and tell him you love him. If he’s still defiant, then give him another spanking. Eventually, he’ll get tired of it and come around. In the long run it’s easier on the kid and the parent AND its more effective to just spank them like God says to do, as opposed to dreaming up a million different “creative” punishments that only draw out the problem and ignore the real matter.
    So ignore the experts and do what God says instead. If you’ll consistently and lovingly show your children communication and the rod…then you’ll probably find that you won’t need to use the latter so much in the future…IF you’re consistent. Andrew responds well to the Rod. His sister Savannah seems to respond well to Andrew getting the rod also and usually needs only the threat of the rod. But I’ve got another one who is now coming of age. Karissa will be two this week….and you know what??? I think she seems to be more like her brother than her sister. But we’ll do what we can to bring her around -- because I know what to expect this time...and I'll listen to God from the start, rather than the "experts."
    Love your children. Teach your children. Communicate with them and hug them and tell them about Jesus. And when they are defiant…as ALL sinners will be at times….spank them. Don’t argue with them all day…just SPANK THEM! Don’t negotiate with terrorists….just SPANK THEM! Then hug them and teach them how to avoid spankings in the future. Whether you want to admit it or not, your children are “fools” by nature. And whether you want to admit it or not, they are “fools” because they take after their parents (“for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23). And whether you want to admit it or not….God’s Word is true when it tells us: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; But the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15 (NASB)
………
(P.S.-- I would strongly encourage all parents to read “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Tedd Tripp. Click here for details.)

"The Narrow Road": Blogs By Shane Kastler

"For the gate is small and the road is narrow that leads to life, and few there be that find it." -Matthew 7:14 ------------- THEOLOGY ~ PHILOSOPHY ~ ECONOMICS ~ POLITICS ~ LIFE

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