Dear Hillary,
I couldn't believe it when I heard. Hillary Clinton is running for president.....again. And right on cue, my foot is starting to itch again. I think there is a connection. Hillary, I have often said that you and Billy were like a bad case of foot fungus that never really goes away. You think its gone. You have a few days, or weeks of comfort. Then WHAM!.... The rash is back with a vengeance. So here we go again.
Hillary, get a clue. What should have been your 15 minutes of fame has extended into 3 decades. The dolts in the press core would fawn over you if you just called it quits now. You were a first lady and a very controversial one at that. Everyone knew you; and on the White House staff, everyone feared you. I know, President Bubba embarrassed you a couple times. He always has and always will. But even in the whole Lewinsky affair saga you came out looking like a strong, victimized spouse. We all know that perception and reality are two different things. Most of us would be shocked if you said that was the first time Bill wandered. Or that you even cared that much. It's always seemed like a political arrangement more than love. If you'd have just stopped in 2000 you would have been a respected elder statesman in the Democrat Party and lived out your days in peace and tranquility. But no. The intoxication of power was too much: Enter Senator Clinton.
Your ultimate goal was always the oval office. You could govern circles around Billy Bob and yet HE gets elected while you have to take the back seat. All the while he is taking the back seat with every bimbo Little Rock could produce. I know it galled you. And who could blame you. So you embark on a political career in your own right. “Senator from New York” looks pretty good on a resume and it easily became your destiny. Short lived one though it was. While you didn't do a whole lot in the Senate, it didn't really matter. You were the presumed Presidential front runner when the time came. You had the name, you had the title, and you had that sense of entitlement on your side. Can't miss right? Wrong. Here comes that skinny, black guy with the funny name again. What was it Brock? Barraak? Oh yea! Barack! That was it. And what was that last name again. Sounded a lot like Osama? Oh Yea! Obama! Barack Obama came along and stole your crown right before the coronation. Of course the dirty little secret was that many of your own party feared that you didn't have the ability to win a general election. Too much vitriol toward you. Sorry Ma'am. That's just the way it works when you rub folks the wrong way. My abrasiveness gets me in trouble sometimes too.
So Bubba steals the show first. You get a nice second prize as New York Senator. Then Barry Obama steals your SECOND show. But he was nice enough to throw you a bone too. “Secretary of State” looks REALLY GOOD on a resume. If you can only endure Barry for a while; then run again when it's your time. Your accomplishments as Secretary were basically nil. Unless you count the numerous scandals that took place under your watch. But who cares about those! Typically a compliant press looks past most of the really damning facts. You come out somewhat clean. Private emails? Who cares it's Hillary after all! Bengazhi? “At this point, what difference does it make?!?” I believe those were your famous words when being questioned. Just keep rolling Hillary. People die? Who cares. Happens every day. Back room deals? No biggie. Your people will stay quiet. Bubba? God only knows what he'll do next. But you've handled his shenanigans for years.
And now, here we go again. Third times a charm, right Hillary? Wrong. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but there's almost no way this goes well for you. Let me be blunt. There's a lot of people in America (and really the world) who don't like you. Maybe its because they don't know you well enough. I'm sure it would be lovely to have tea with you and discuss the events of the day. But your abrasive nature. Your nasily, loud speeches that sound so shrill! It turns people off. And even though many won't admit it, it turns Democrats off. That's why Bill has been Presidential and Barack has been President and you haven't.
The Dems will launch a full scale effort to keep you out. There may not be another Obama, but there will be someone. Someone with more charisma than you, a smoother voice than you, and way, way, way less baggage than you. This “mystery” candidate will likely win the nod. And even if he doesn't and you're the nominee; the Republicans will go out full bore against you and let's be honest, you've given them ample firepower to work with over the years. In all likelihood you would lose the election and be branded as the gal who couldn't get it done. Forever in Bill and Barry's shadows.
And even if you win; you'll be forever compared to Bill and Barry and, unfortunately for you, its a no-win situation. Even if you attain the oval office, there's always shadows that lurk. Like the shadow of Monica Lewinsky that was so subtly painted into that recent paining of your husband. Forget about her, right? Easier said than done. She's always there. She's a part of Bill's legacy. Which means she's apart of your legacy. And think about it for a second. Do you really want to occupy the oval office when you (and the entire country) knows what they were doing in that office a few years back? Do you really need this headache Hillary? Can't you do something better for your golden years?
Hillary, there is no way this ends good for you. The intoxication of power is overwhelming I know. Its not the money. You've got plenty of that. Its not the political connections you can make. Gosh, you're Hillary Clinton. You know everyone! Its not about “serving the people of this great country!” Ha Ha Ha. I know that's what all you politicians say, really loud, at the end of the speech and your sheep suck it up and bark like seals because they're duped. My sides hurt from laughing every time I hear this cliched mantra. But you and I know better Hillary. Politicians care not for “the people.” Politicians care for the power. They yearn for it. They'll do anything for it. To be at the top. To call the shots. To have minions grovel to you. Eight years of that sounds so intoxicating. And it is. Look at the Bush gang Hillary. They're just as bad you Clintons are. You all just can't let it go. But Hillary, it will never happen for you. And you shouldn't even want it to.
Do yourself a favor. Do me a favor. Do us all a favor. Retire to some nice, big city high rise where you can sip wine and read books and eat out at any nice restaurant you want. Spend time with Chelsea and the grandkids. Let "Wild Bill" go and do his thing, since he's going to anyway. Enjoy some peace and quiet in your golden years. And let us do the same. My foot is starting to itch again. The rash is coming back. Please, Mrs. Clinton! Help me! Please, do an about face and say your White House dreams are over and you are moving to Manhattan. Trust me, you'll be happier. I'll be happier. America will be happier. The world will be happier. And you will have adequately “served the people” with the only thing they ever really wanted from you to begin with. That you would quietly, just go away. You wanna be loved? America will love you for it! Including me. Make this happen Hillary. Or rather, make this to NOT happen. Forget Washington. Find a nice place to retire. And let's all have a wonderful summer!
Warmest Regards,
Shane Kastler
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Shane Kastler serves as Pastor of Heritage Baptist Church in Lake Charles, LA. He is also the co-host of "Church and State" on Eternal Life Broadcasting (KELB 100.5 FM and KEBL 105.5 FM radio) each Thursday. He teaches Logic at Covenant Grace Academy and writes a weekly religious column for the Linn County News (KS). He has contributed articles to Economic Policy Journal, Target Liberty, Lew Rockwell.com, Sword & Trowel, and Reformed Libertarian.com.
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